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A niece went to visit her uncle in the hospital. Bad news! He was in a coma. Her uncle's doctor came to her to report on the uncle's condition. "I'm sorry, your uncle is brain-dead but his heart is still beating." The niece was shocked. "Oh my gosh! We've never had a liberal in the family before." J...

Getting Even" One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a Sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all Matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to The vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The ve...

Three guys were sitting in a sauna, an Irishman, an American and a Japanese man. They were all naked and enjoying their steamy surroundings when a phone rang. The Japanese man spoke into his wrist. Upon finishing his conversation, he bowed and apologized to his sauna mates. "I had a telephone comput...

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee." The t...

I signed it this morning and told all the people I know about it.

Mayonaze, I loved that! A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handywoman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could u...

9 Things I Hate About Everyone 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? 2 People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote bec...

Alcohol Warnings:......... American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's order that all alcohol containers contain warning labels. These were the suggested labels that had been rejected by the FDA: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering ...

Hormones My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green and when I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin' red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy ...

As women age It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman....

The young Aggie Priest ,at his first mass was so scared that he could hardly speak. So before his second week in the pulpit he asked the Monsignor ( a old veteran of this work) "How can I relax. The Monsignor said " My son,this sunday it might help if you put some martinis in the water pitcher inste...

From the Redneck Book of Manners 1. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 2. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 3. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 4. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still consi...

So it's official, Spain has filed a lawsuit against Odyssey. http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/S/SPAIN_TREASURE_SHIP?SITE=ORMED&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT "It's a very well established principle under Spanish, U.S. and international law that a government such as the kingdom of Spain has not ab...

And so the further news is that my curiosity will have to go unsatisfied due to lack of funds :( http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601086&sid=aaYHS7Itaze4 After Hernan Cortes conquered what is now Mexico City in 1521, Spanish invaders set about burying the Aztec culture they had vanquished. R...

Edited(Had a bad day)

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