Joke page

Post by **Minimalist** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 2:22 pm

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine and she said, "Oh Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy." "Sister Mary Katherine," exclaimed Jack, "I could never do that! I've never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!"

"Oh Jack," she responded, "it's only for the Mother Superior." Her voice dropped. "It helps her constipation, you know."

So, Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night Jack closed the store and walked home. As he passed the convent, who should he see but Sister Mary Katherine; and she was snookered. She was singing and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk. A crowd was gathering, so Jack pushed through and exclaimed, "Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! You told me this was for the Mother Superior's constipation!"

Sister Mary Katherine didn't miss a beat as she replied: "And so it is, me lad, so it is. When she sees me, she's going to shit!"

Beagle · Post by **Beagle** » Thu Aug 24, 2006 3:06 pm

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Aug 25, 2006 12:04 am

i decided to add a few and laugh at myself:

http://news.yahoo.com/edcartoons/tedrall

http://news.yahoo.com/comics/uclickcomi ... tr20060819

http://news.yahoo.com/comics/uclickcomi ... tr20060817

Frank Harrist · Post by **Frank Harrist** » Fri Aug 25, 2006 6:16 am

Ok so go ahead and post something funny..........................

Beagle · Post by **Beagle** » Fri Aug 25, 2006 6:19 am

Hey Frank, is something wrong with the system or are you a new moderator?

Frank Harrist · Post by **Frank Harrist** » Fri Aug 25, 2006 8:44 am

Nope and yep. So be on your P's and Q's, buddy! There's a new sherrif in town boys! Yeehaaaaaaahhhh!

Post by **Minimalist** » Sun Aug 27, 2006 7:32 pm

One Sunday morning a minister and a choirboy were getting the church ready for mass. The minister prepared his sermon while the choirboy filled the holy water fountain.

Suddenly, the choirboy burst into the minister's room and yelled, "father father, I just saw the most amazing thing! I filled the holy water fountain. Then a man came in on crutches. He moved to the fountain, dipped his left hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his left crutch. Then he dipped his right hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his right crutch. Then he turned to me ... and he took a step forward"!

The minister was awe struck by what he just heard. "My boy, he said, you just witnessed a miracle from God! Where's this man now?"

The Choirboy replies...
"flat on his face in front of the holy water fountain"!

ed · Post by ed » Sun Aug 27, 2006 7:44 pm

Ok, dangerous for a guy new to the forum but ....

So, Holmes and Watson went on a camping trip. Sometime after they turned in Holmes said "look up, Watson, and tell me what you can deduce". Watson replied "Well, Holmes, I see the celestial sphere, it suggests an intellegence greater than ours is behind it it tells me how small we are ...

Holmes replied, with some asperity:

wait for it

it's good

"Watson, you idiot, someone stole our tent!!"

Post by **Minimalist** » Tue Aug 29, 2006 8:26 pm

Suspicion
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
"You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

john · Post by **john** » Tue Aug 29, 2006 8:35 pm

Frank Harrist wrote:Nope and yep. So be on your P's and Q's, buddy! There's a new sherrif in town boys! Yeehaaaaaaahhhh!

ok.

just because everybody else is too chicken to ask.............

how may people thought

when the system went down

and they couldn't get in

oh sh-t,

busted.

Frank Harrist · Post by **Frank Harrist** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:17 am

john wrote:
Frank Harrist wrote:Nope and yep. So be on your P's and Q's, buddy! There's a new sherrif in town boys! Yeehaaaaaaahhhh!

ok.

just because everybody else is too chicken to ask.............

how may people thought

when the system went down

and they couldn't get in

oh sh-t,

busted.

Yeah and I was even accused of breaking it. Don't worry, no one's been kicked off since Ive been moderator. Most of you know me well enough to know that I'll be fair and not play favorites. I'm not petty or vindictive. I'm actually pretty diplomatic. If I weren't, arch would be gone already. He hasn't pissed me off lately and he has the right to his opinion. The rest of you I seem to get along well with.
On a similar yet totally unrelated note; I threw a guy out of my store yesterday. It was a rather heated discussion. He said on his way out that I would regret it. So, if ya'll suddenly stop hearing from me, he made me regret it. Meaning I'm in the hospital, dead, or in jail for killing this asshole. Just so you know....

Post by **Minimalist** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:51 pm

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, "Saul, I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork... but have you really never even tasted it?"

The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, "I must tell you the truth. Yes I have, on the odd occasion."

The rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Mike, I know that in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate... but..."

The priest interjected, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice."

The two resumed their reading. There was silence for a while.

Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper with a smile and said, "Better than pork, isn't it!"

john · Post by **john** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 8:58 pm

quote

"i wouldn't want to be part of a club that would have me as a member".

weasel your way out of that one, hombre, and you're on my list of one of the ten smartest guys in the universe.

john

ps.

thumbs up for your impartiality.

j

Frank Harrist · Post by **Frank Harrist** » Thu Aug 31, 2006 7:36 am

I stole that quote, but I don't know where. I have always thought that I'm one of the smartest guys in the universe.