Joke page

[dannan14]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, sits down and orders a drink. Shortly after, the monkey starts jumping all over the place and acting crazy. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them… grabs some sliced limes and eats them… then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” “No, what?” says the guy. “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table – whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, he eats everything in sight. Quite an appetite. I’ll pay for the cue ball and other things he ate.” He the finishes his drink, pays the bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s back at the same bar again, monkey by his side as usual. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did?” “What this time?” asks the patron. “Well, he stuck a cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures it first!”

[MichelleH]

[Minimalist]

[J Henkel]

At the Rock art fieldwork seminar at Tanum/Sweden (http://archaeologica.boardbot.com/viewt ... f=5&t=3128) we're always having a lot of fun too. Here's a nice one I heard last year: The story principally works with all groups of people X and Y who are lovingly warding their long-standing little hostilities, turning them into jokes. Dutch/Belgians, Bavarians/Austrians, Danish/Swedish, English/Scottish, you name it. Here we go:

X and Y meet on the commuter train.

Y: Hey X, tell me, I've always wondered about why you Xes are so smart?
X: Oh, that's quite simple. We're eating apple seeds. That makes us smart.
Y: Apple seeds? Does that really work?
X: Sure. Look at me, I'm smart!
Y: Oh yes, you're probably right. Umm... Where can I get those apple seeds?
X: You can buy them form me. 1 $ apiece.
Y: Hmm... O.k. Gimme 10 for a start!

X gives him 10 apple seeds for 10 $.
The next day they meet on the train again.

Y: Hey X, I've been thinking about our deal yesterday. Quite crazy, 10 apple seeds for 10 $, for that money I could have bought a lot of apples with lots and lots of seeds!
X: You see? It's already working!
Y: Jeeez, you're right! Come on, gimme another 10!

[Minimalist]

[Digit]

Traffic cop makes a routine stop at 3 am and finds an elderly gentlemen behind the wheel and enquires as to where he is heading at such an hour.
'I'm on my way to lecture about about the bad effects on the body of alcohol, smoking and late nights officer.'
The cop looks at him. 'I see Sir, and just who will giving such a lecture at this hour?'
'My wife!'

Roy.

[MichelleH]

We need a bit of humor......

[Minimalist]

Yes we did!

[circumspice]

A nice bit of comic relief.

[Farpoint]

Here is what we need to find:

[Minimalist]