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Re: Joke page
Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2011 1:37 pm
by Digit
I hope not!
Roy.
Visiting a doctor
Posted: Fri Feb 11, 2011 3:33 pm
by MichelleH
A doctor finished examining a patient and said with satisfaction:
"You are healthy and in a excellent condition. How about your sexual life?"
" Well, not so bad. I can manage it about three times a week."
" What??? only three times a week? With your constitution and health you should enjoy the sweet thing of life at least three times a day!"
"Yes, I would, you know, but it doesn't go because of my job."
"I knew it, I knew it! You are under too much stress and overburdened. What is your profession?"
"I am a priest."
Re: Joke page
Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:08 am
by Minimalist
The North Dakota Department of Labor claimed a small Bismarck
> dairy farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an
> agent out to investigate him.
>
> Department of Labor employee: I need a list of your employees
> and how much you pay them.
>
> Farmer: Well, there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3
> years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
>
> Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18
> hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
> He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I
> buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope
> with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
>
> Department of Labor employee: That's the guy I want to talk
> to.... the mentally challenged one.
>
> Farmer: That would be me.
>
Re: Joke page
Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:12 am
by Digit
Great!
Roy.
Re: Joke page
Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2011 10:22 am
by Rokcet Scientist
Bathroom grafitti: drunk octopus.
Moses
Posted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 9:42 am
by Rokcet Scientist
God: Moses…I have seen the plight of the Jews in Egypt.
Moses: Wow. Only after, uh, 400 years there, right?
God: Yes.
Moses: Awesome.
God: I will take you out of Egypt after ten terrible, terrible plagues.
Moses: …ten?
God: Is there a problem?
Moses: It’s just…ten is a lot. For, you know, God. Couldn’t you get this done in like, two plagues max?
God: No. For you see, Moses, I will harden Pharaoh’s heart against me.
Moses: So…you are going to stop him from letting us free from slavery.
God: Yes.
Moses: So you can bring more terrible, terrible plagues upon the people.
God: Yes.
Moses: And you see nothing wrong with this picture?
God: ...
Moses: Are there any other Gods up there I can talk to?
Re: Joke page
Posted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 10:44 am
by Minimalist
IRISH COMPASSION
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women, from England , Wales , and Ireland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The English woman said, 'Have you ever had a hug?'
The man said, 'No, so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The Welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The Irish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been fooked, Laddie?'
The man broke into a big smile and said, ‘no’.
She said, 'Aye - Ya will be when the tide comes in.'
Re: Joke page
Posted: Sat Feb 19, 2011 4:31 pm
by Rokcet Scientist
Fond memories:
Re: Joke page
Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 10:28 am
by Digit
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.
The Doctor asked: "What happened?"
The woman said: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
The Doctor explained: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman said: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the tea do that?"
The Doctor replied: "The tea does pipper all, it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick !"
Roy.
Re: Joke page
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 1:02 am
by circumspice
Re: Joke page
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 3:46 am
by Digit
Depends on your sense of humour, I didn't find the Reagan one overly funny either, but I accept that others may well of have done.
I have told 'Jewish' jokes on here as well and can laugh at them, and I'm Jewish.
Roy.
Re: Joke page
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 9:45 am
by Frank Harrist
Re: Joke page
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 9:55 am
by Digit
Couldn't get the sound Frank so I can't comment, and probably wouldn't anyway.
To the best of my knowledge there is no 'standard' for humour, rather like beauty.
Roy.
Re: Joke page
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 10:44 am
by Rokcet Scientist
Digit wrote: […] may well of have done. [...]
...?
Re: Joke page
Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2011 10:55 am
by Digit
??
Roy.
NOT FUNNY.