Joke page
Moderators: MichelleH, Minimalist, JPeters
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Minimalist
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- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:09 pm
- Location: Arizona
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Minimalist
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 16033
- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:09 pm
- Location: Arizona
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin. The reason is because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest. He asks for the priest's opinion. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on the Sabbath."
The man thinks, "What does a priest know about sex?" So, he decides to ask a minister. The minister gives the same reply as the priest had given him. Sex is work, and therefore not permitted on the Sabbath.
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play."
The man asks, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others are convinced that sex is work?"
The Rabbi replies, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."
The man thinks, "What does a priest know about sex?" So, he decides to ask a minister. The minister gives the same reply as the priest had given him. Sex is work, and therefore not permitted on the Sabbath.
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play."
The man asks, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others are convinced that sex is work?"
The Rabbi replies, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed.
-- George Carlin
-- George Carlin
How Many Women
After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."
Who's This Guy
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"
"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".
Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."
Who's This Guy
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.
He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
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Minimalist
- Forum Moderator
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- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:09 pm
- Location: Arizona
HOW TO GET RID OF A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS
When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"
Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say 'Allah be Praised!
Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.
Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country
A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...
Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to leave.
Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty-two children.
Invite them in to see your fine collection of dinosaur fossils.
When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"
Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."
Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say 'Allah be Praised!
Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.
Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country
A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...
Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to leave.
Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty-two children.
Invite them in to see your fine collection of dinosaur fossils.
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed.
-- George Carlin
-- George Carlin
Got this in my e-mail today. Took a little while to load up, but those with a faster comp shouldn't have to wait too long.
Not exactly a joke, but funnier than hell and a great way to start the day
http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf
Not exactly a joke, but funnier than hell and a great way to start the day
http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf
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Minimalist
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 16033
- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:09 pm
- Location: Arizona
Are You a Guy?
Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your
Guyness Quotient
1 Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth,
and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of
intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but
incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all
disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out
hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and
violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
a Present it to the president of the United States.
b Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations.
c Take it apart.
2 As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do
you miss the most?
a Innocence.
b Idealism.
c Cherry bombs.
3 When is it okay to kiss another male?
a When you wish to display simple and pure affection without
regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
b When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
c When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the
only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business
reasons, you have to have him killed.
4 What about hugging another male?
a If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal
disease.
b If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. (And even in this
case, you should repeatedly shout: "I am just dislodging food in
this male's trachea! I am not in any way aroused!")
c If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a
home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that
(1) He is legally within the basepath, (2) Both of you are
wearing protective cups, and (3) You also pound him fraternally
with your fist hard enough to cause fractures.
5 Complete this sentence:
A funeral is a good time to...
a ...remember the deceased and console his loved ones.
b ...reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
c ...tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and
cancer.
6 In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
a A cat.
b A dog.
c A dog that eats cats.
7 You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's
attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her.
One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it
easy--you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers--
when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she
thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the
uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She
says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only
whether you believe that you have some kind of future together.
What do you say?
a That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but
you don't want to rush it.
b That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot
honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting
commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false
hope.
c That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third
and seventeen.
8 Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you
want to spend the rest of your life with her-sharing the joys and
the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the
adventures and opportunities that the world has to offer, come
what may. How do you tell her?
a You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
b You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her
name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her
hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
c Tell her what?
9 One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you
to get your three children ready for school. Your first question
to her is:
a "Do they need to eat or anything?"
b "They're in school already?"
c "There are three of them?"
10 When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
a When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new
holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally
intended for your legs.
b When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules
and has to be handled with tweezers.
c It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy
checks the garbage regularly in case somebody--and we are not
naming names, but this would be his wife--is quietly trying to
discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because
the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than
with her.
11 What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for
the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for
forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
a He was being tested.
b He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they
finally got there.
c He refused to ask directions.
12 What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
a Democracy.
b Religion.
c Remote control.
How to Score:
Give yourself one point for every time you picked answer "c." A
real guy would score at least 10 on this test. In fact, a real
guy would score at least 15, because he would get the special
five-point bonus for knowing the joke about the guy who has
Alzheimer's disease and cancer.
_________________________________________________
Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your
Guyness Quotient
1 Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth,
and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of
intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but
incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all
disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out
hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and
violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
a Present it to the president of the United States.
b Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations.
c Take it apart.
2 As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do
you miss the most?
a Innocence.
b Idealism.
c Cherry bombs.
3 When is it okay to kiss another male?
a When you wish to display simple and pure affection without
regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
b When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
c When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the
only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business
reasons, you have to have him killed.
4 What about hugging another male?
a If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal
disease.
b If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. (And even in this
case, you should repeatedly shout: "I am just dislodging food in
this male's trachea! I am not in any way aroused!")
c If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a
home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that
(1) He is legally within the basepath, (2) Both of you are
wearing protective cups, and (3) You also pound him fraternally
with your fist hard enough to cause fractures.
5 Complete this sentence:
A funeral is a good time to...
a ...remember the deceased and console his loved ones.
b ...reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
c ...tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and
cancer.
6 In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
a A cat.
b A dog.
c A dog that eats cats.
7 You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's
attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her.
One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it
easy--you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers--
when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she
thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the
uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She
says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only
whether you believe that you have some kind of future together.
What do you say?
a That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but
you don't want to rush it.
b That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot
honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting
commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false
hope.
c That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third
and seventeen.
8 Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you
want to spend the rest of your life with her-sharing the joys and
the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the
adventures and opportunities that the world has to offer, come
what may. How do you tell her?
a You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
b You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her
name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her
hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
c Tell her what?
9 One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you
to get your three children ready for school. Your first question
to her is:
a "Do they need to eat or anything?"
b "They're in school already?"
c "There are three of them?"
10 When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?
a When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new
holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally
intended for your legs.
b When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules
and has to be handled with tweezers.
c It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy
checks the garbage regularly in case somebody--and we are not
naming names, but this would be his wife--is quietly trying to
discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because
the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than
with her.
11 What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for
the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for
forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
a He was being tested.
b He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they
finally got there.
c He refused to ask directions.
12 What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
a Democracy.
b Religion.
c Remote control.
How to Score:
Give yourself one point for every time you picked answer "c." A
real guy would score at least 10 on this test. In fact, a real
guy would score at least 15, because he would get the special
five-point bonus for knowing the joke about the guy who has
Alzheimer's disease and cancer.
_________________________________________________
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed.
-- George Carlin
-- George Carlin
-
Minimalist
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 16033
- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:09 pm
- Location: Arizona
Welcome to the EQ test, a preview of the Field Guide to Evangelicals and Their Habitat by Joel Kilpatrick, available now in bookstores everywhere. Before reading the Field Guide, it will be useful to determine how evangelical you are:
1. In the last election you:
a. Made MoveOn.org your homepage.
b. Listened carefully to both candidates’ positions.
c. Tithed to the Bush campaign.
2. Your children attend school:
a. at the local public school.
b. at a private school.
c. in your living room.
3. You think “backslide” is:
a. A country dance step.
b. A type of alcoholic drink.
c. A sinful state of non-belief.
4. If someone says “See you here, there or in the air,” you know they mean:
a. “I’d like to see you hanged.”
b. “Let’s get together on our next business trip.”
c. “See you at church, in heaven or at the Rapture.”
5. Your car bumper sticker reads
a. Pro-Child, Pro-Choice
b. My child is an honor student
c. My boss is a Jewish carpenter
6. The last time you raised your hands was:
a. During an encounter with the law.
b. On a roller coaster.
c . During praise and worship.
7. Prominently displayed in your living room is:
a. Your vacation shot glass collection.
b. An expensive piece of modern sculpture.
c. A Thomas Kinkade painting the size of a child’s swimming pool.
8. The last time you read the Bible was:
a. At your aunt’s memorial service.
b. When you were bored in a hotel room.
c . Five minutes ago.
9. You hope heaven is like:
a. The Summer of ’69.
b. A non-stop rave.
c. A gated, Republican community.
10. Before each meal you:
a. Have a stiff drink.
b. Say grace.
c. Give an altar call for your family.
11. The last time you were in a bar, it was to:
a. Pay your tab.
b. See the guys.
c. Hang posters for an evangelistic crusade.
12. You greet your friends by saying:
a. “Where’s the money you owe me?”
b. “How’s it hanging?”
c. “Blessings, brother.”
13. When another driver cuts you off in traffic, you:
a. Give him the finger.
b. Take down his license plate number.
c. Pray for his salvation.
14. On your last vacation you:
a. Got drunk in Cancun.
b. Gambled in Vegas.
c. Built a church in Ecuador.
15. You think Wal-Mart is:
a. A greedy corporation.
b. A downscale place for cheap goods.
c. An extension of your local mega-church.
Congratulations on finishing the EQ test! Award yourself
0 points for every “a” answer,
5 points for every “b” answer
10 points for every “c” answer.
125-150 points Very evangelical.
75-124 Somewhat evangelical.
25-74 Backslidden.
0-24 Unsaved.
I scored "10."
1. In the last election you:
a. Made MoveOn.org your homepage.
b. Listened carefully to both candidates’ positions.
c. Tithed to the Bush campaign.
2. Your children attend school:
a. at the local public school.
b. at a private school.
c. in your living room.
3. You think “backslide” is:
a. A country dance step.
b. A type of alcoholic drink.
c. A sinful state of non-belief.
4. If someone says “See you here, there or in the air,” you know they mean:
a. “I’d like to see you hanged.”
b. “Let’s get together on our next business trip.”
c. “See you at church, in heaven or at the Rapture.”
5. Your car bumper sticker reads
a. Pro-Child, Pro-Choice
b. My child is an honor student
c. My boss is a Jewish carpenter
6. The last time you raised your hands was:
a. During an encounter with the law.
b. On a roller coaster.
c . During praise and worship.
7. Prominently displayed in your living room is:
a. Your vacation shot glass collection.
b. An expensive piece of modern sculpture.
c. A Thomas Kinkade painting the size of a child’s swimming pool.
8. The last time you read the Bible was:
a. At your aunt’s memorial service.
b. When you were bored in a hotel room.
c . Five minutes ago.
9. You hope heaven is like:
a. The Summer of ’69.
b. A non-stop rave.
c. A gated, Republican community.
10. Before each meal you:
a. Have a stiff drink.
b. Say grace.
c. Give an altar call for your family.
11. The last time you were in a bar, it was to:
a. Pay your tab.
b. See the guys.
c. Hang posters for an evangelistic crusade.
12. You greet your friends by saying:
a. “Where’s the money you owe me?”
b. “How’s it hanging?”
c. “Blessings, brother.”
13. When another driver cuts you off in traffic, you:
a. Give him the finger.
b. Take down his license plate number.
c. Pray for his salvation.
14. On your last vacation you:
a. Got drunk in Cancun.
b. Gambled in Vegas.
c. Built a church in Ecuador.
15. You think Wal-Mart is:
a. A greedy corporation.
b. A downscale place for cheap goods.
c. An extension of your local mega-church.
Congratulations on finishing the EQ test! Award yourself
0 points for every “a” answer,
5 points for every “b” answer
10 points for every “c” answer.
125-150 points Very evangelical.
75-124 Somewhat evangelical.
25-74 Backslidden.
0-24 Unsaved.
I scored "10."
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed.
-- George Carlin
-- George Carlin
-
Minimalist
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 16033
- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:09 pm
- Location: Arizona
Welcome to the EQ test, a preview of the Field Guide to Evangelicals and Their Habitat by Joel Kilpatrick, available now in bookstores everywhere. Before reading the Field Guide, it will be useful to determine how evangelical you are:
1. In the last election you:
a. Made MoveOn.org your homepage.
b. Listened carefully to both candidates’ positions.
c. Tithed to the Bush campaign.
2. Your children attend school:
a. at the local public school.
b. at a private school.
c. in your living room.
3. You think “backslide” is:
a. A country dance step.
b. A type of alcoholic drink.
c. A sinful state of non-belief.
4. If someone says “See you here, there or in the air,” you know they mean:
a. “I’d like to see you hanged.”
b. “Let’s get together on our next business trip.”
c. “See you at church, in heaven or at the Rapture.”
5. Your car bumper sticker reads
a. Pro-Child, Pro-Choice
b. My child is an honor student
c. My boss is a Jewish carpenter
6. The last time you raised your hands was:
a. During an encounter with the law.
b. On a roller coaster.
c . During praise and worship.
7. Prominently displayed in your living room is:
a. Your vacation shot glass collection.
b. An expensive piece of modern sculpture.
c. A Thomas Kinkade painting the size of a child’s swimming pool.
8. The last time you read the Bible was:
a. At your aunt’s memorial service.
b. When you were bored in a hotel room.
c . Five minutes ago.
9. You hope heaven is like:
a. The Summer of ’69.
b. A non-stop rave.
c. A gated, Republican community.
10. Before each meal you:
a. Have a stiff drink.
b. Say grace.
c. Give an altar call for your family.
11. The last time you were in a bar, it was to:
a. Pay your tab.
b. See the guys.
c. Hang posters for an evangelistic crusade.
12. You greet your friends by saying:
a. “Where’s the money you owe me?”
b. “How’s it hanging?”
c. “Blessings, brother.”
13. When another driver cuts you off in traffic, you:
a. Give him the finger.
b. Take down his license plate number.
c. Pray for his salvation.
14. On your last vacation you:
a. Got drunk in Cancun.
b. Gambled in Vegas.
c. Built a church in Ecuador.
15. You think Wal-Mart is:
a. A greedy corporation.
b. A downscale place for cheap goods.
c. An extension of your local mega-church.
Congratulations on finishing the EQ test! Award yourself
0 points for every “a” answer,
5 points for every “b” answer
10 points for every “c” answer.
125-150 points Very evangelical.
75-124 Somewhat evangelical.
25-74 Backslidden.
0-24 Unsaved.
I scored "10."
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed.
-- George Carlin
-- George Carlin
16 REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK...
1 It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to
hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't
care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the
bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
16. Sitting "Bare a**" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as
gross.
-
Frank Harrist
-
Minimalist
- Forum Moderator
- Posts: 16033
- Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:09 pm
- Location: Arizona
Center for Disease Control Alert
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a virulent
new strain of sexually transmitted disease. The disease is contracted
through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called
Gonorrhea Lectim and is pronounced "gonna re-elect him."
Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for four
years. Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include:
anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic
overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new
information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept
responsibility for one's own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced
bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and
history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, and categorical
all-or-nothing behavior.
This destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush
found in Texas.
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a virulent
new strain of sexually transmitted disease. The disease is contracted
through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called
Gonorrhea Lectim and is pronounced "gonna re-elect him."
Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for four
years. Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include:
anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic
overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new
information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept
responsibility for one's own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced
bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and
history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, and categorical
all-or-nothing behavior.
This destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush
found in Texas.
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed.
-- George Carlin
-- George Carlin
-
marduk
