A Little Ditty
Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 8:41 am
written a while back in annoyance at the way surface finds by the archaeological laity are routinely devalued by the Club.
(To the tune of "The Wabash Cannonball")
Back East in Kentucky there's a bunch of stuff been found
By folks that walk around there with their eyes upon the ground
On river banks, construction sites and anywhere it's ploughed
But Archies can't acknowledge these because it's not allowed.
In the ivory tower in the city on the hill
You'd think they'd be receptive there, but boy -- if looks could kill !
Their noses flare, their eyes get big and every voice grows loud :
"We do not publish stuff like that because we're not allowed !"
"Those things were found by Vandals, who loot antiquities.
All you need to know is that they don't have PhDs.
Better that the record should ignore their grubby finds
Than looted stuff from trailer trash contaminate our minds.
"If we had our way we would consign them all to hell
At least that way there couldn't be a different tale to tell.
Scholarly consensus is the summum bonum here
And anything that rocks the boat can simply disappear.
"Like the blades the Folsom folks that lived at Shifting Sands
Left behind for Dick to find and hold in heathen hands
No deflated sites allowed -- there's no stratigraphy !
Nothing's more irrelevant than probability !
"Even though we're well esconced behind the JSTOR wall
Where common avocationals are not allowed at all
We cannot be too careful to preserve our purity
As the moral guardians of archaeology.
"So listen up, you heathen, it's a contest our side 'wins'
(Oh, by the way -- donating them absolves you of your sins !)
But even then we will not deign to 'feature' them in print.
Because the act of doing so might give your kind some hint.
"So take your damned Levallois stuff back home with you and weep
Consigned to purgatory where the outer darkness deep
Enfolds them like a burial shroud in deep obscurity
Until the passing years efface their very memory."
(To the tune of "The Wabash Cannonball")
Back East in Kentucky there's a bunch of stuff been found
By folks that walk around there with their eyes upon the ground
On river banks, construction sites and anywhere it's ploughed
But Archies can't acknowledge these because it's not allowed.
In the ivory tower in the city on the hill
You'd think they'd be receptive there, but boy -- if looks could kill !
Their noses flare, their eyes get big and every voice grows loud :
"We do not publish stuff like that because we're not allowed !"
"Those things were found by Vandals, who loot antiquities.
All you need to know is that they don't have PhDs.
Better that the record should ignore their grubby finds
Than looted stuff from trailer trash contaminate our minds.
"If we had our way we would consign them all to hell
At least that way there couldn't be a different tale to tell.
Scholarly consensus is the summum bonum here
And anything that rocks the boat can simply disappear.
"Like the blades the Folsom folks that lived at Shifting Sands
Left behind for Dick to find and hold in heathen hands
No deflated sites allowed -- there's no stratigraphy !
Nothing's more irrelevant than probability !
"Even though we're well esconced behind the JSTOR wall
Where common avocationals are not allowed at all
We cannot be too careful to preserve our purity
As the moral guardians of archaeology.
"So listen up, you heathen, it's a contest our side 'wins'
(Oh, by the way -- donating them absolves you of your sins !)
But even then we will not deign to 'feature' them in print.
Because the act of doing so might give your kind some hint.
"So take your damned Levallois stuff back home with you and weep
Consigned to purgatory where the outer darkness deep
Enfolds them like a burial shroud in deep obscurity
Until the passing years efface their very memory."
