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War Arrow · Post by **War Arrow** » Sat Oct 21, 2006 7:02 am

Seeing as there's real Texans on board, you're all more than welcome to use my own home town as a geographical signifier of inbreeding. Shipston-on-Stour, England - for a startlingly accurate portrait read H.P.Lovecraft's The Dunwich Horror but skip the oceanic bits (Shipston is inland). There were whole families of strange kids with alarmingly identical faces at my high school. Just glad I got to London before I got assimilated.
I know this isn't much of a joke, but I'm just feeling a bit bad on behalf of you Texas folks out there.

Frank Harrist · Post by **Frank Harrist** » Sat Oct 21, 2006 5:43 pm

I don't take any of Marduk's jokes seriously. Hell, there are inbreds all over the world. Bush is making Texas look bad at present, but we all know that Texas is the center of the world.

marduk · Post by **marduk** » Sat Oct 21, 2006 8:41 pm

I don't take any of Marduk's jokes seriously

well thats what a sense of humour is for
when I first heard that joke it said Norfolk not Texas
since then though I have realised that the demographics are pretty similar

A man dies and goes to heaven, and St. Peter decides to show him around. "Here are the Methodists," St. Peter says. "Over there are the Episcopalians. Over there are the Unitarians."

The man is puzzled, "Who are those people over there, sitting behind that high stone wall?" he asks.

St. Peter smiles. "Oh, those are the Catholics. They think they're the only ones here."

Post by **MichelleH** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 10:01 am

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm? ... e=s3i11728

Dental plaque destroyed the Pharaohs-Carter states: Tutankhamun 'absolutely useless at flossing'

Post by **Minimalist** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 10:17 am

You know what's scary, Michelle, is that they feel compelled to add this disclaimer.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Geez!

Post by **MichelleH** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:41 am

Minimalist wrote:You know what's scary, Michelle, is that they feel compelled to add this disclaimer.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Geez!

Actually Bob, it's not scary, it's tragic...

stan · Post by **stan** » Tue Oct 24, 2006 4:34 pm

belongs with the bag of hair thread.

Post by **MichelleH** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 7:25 pm

When the day has been crapping, sometimes you just have to giggle at the most inane.....

PONDERISMS

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see 'em tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one care s, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he doesn't like it, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

stan · Post by **stan** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 8:07 pm

THose are some deep questions!!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 8:13 pm

has been crapping

i didn't know 'days' took craps. i think you mean 'crappy'

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

yes.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

testicles.

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

Noah--after a year and a half of eating food on the ark.

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle

because it wants 'to be stuck on you'

Post by **MichelleH** » Mon Oct 30, 2006 8:48 pm

arch...it was crapping...as in the continual action there of.

War Arrow · Post by **War Arrow** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 7:06 am

MichelleH wrote:Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

It's the snail thing that puzzles me. Either some of our ancestors found themselves subject to such a famine that it was a toss-up between snails or rocks, or the taste was acquired during some sort of cro-magnon frat-boy gross-out dare. Mind you, I'll scoff calamari without thinking so who knows?

Starflower · Post by **Starflower** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 10:49 am

Michelle - I loved the ponderings, it was a good day for them,

War Arrow - I'm with you on the snails buttt CALAMARI ick.

And then OT, my contribution(it made me smile)

http://journal.aroundthepla.net/

Post by **Minimalist** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 11:30 am

Just great....a feminine 404 message!

War Arrow · Post by **War Arrow** » Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:57 pm

Starflower wrote:Michelle - I loved the ponderings, it was a good day for them,

War Arrow - I'm with you on the snails buttt CALAMARI ick.

And then OT, my contribution(it made me smile)

http://journal.aroundthepla.net/

Wait a minute. I've eaten grashoppers and maguey worms (stir-fried, quite tasty as it happens)! I therefore withdraw my previous sneering about anyone who chooses to eat snails. Mind you, I've also had that traditional London Cock-er-nee delicasy of winkles, and frankly they were f*****g revolting so maybe my statement still holds water.

Returning to the funnies, I've often thought there's a gap in the market for the study of humour in vanished civilisations, although it's probably not a gap I'm ever going to fill. From what I can work out Mexica (or Aztec if you really must) humour may have been similar to Jewish humour (I'm thinking more of the 50s borscht belt than Woody Allen, if I'm getting my US comedy geography facts straight) with emphasis on the deadpan sarcasm. Needless to say, I have little evidence for this claim beyond a few vague quotes of which 90% appear in Thelma D. Sullivan's 'A Scattering of Jades' (Touchstone).

For example, if invited to dinner one finds oneself given a notably measly portion of tortilla, you might quip "Cuix ixquich quitta in huitziltin?" or "Can a hummingbird see that much?" in reference to the miniscule noshing capacity of aforementioned avian's beak.

Okay. I know it might lose something in translation and you probably had to be there, but it's a start.

Archaeologica.org

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PONDERISMS-An old one from an old one, but still funny

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