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The more I read this, I think we may be taking a trip to the Twilight Zone. As Rod Serling said, a different dimension of time and space....

I'm gonna pack some serious heat.

Frank Harrist wrote:How long is it gonna take us to get there? I thought someone said before, but I can't find it. Couple months? Or do we have light speed on this contraption too? We couldn't get the Enterprise? The sensors would come in real handy. Transporters too!

Geez, get real. Do I LOOK like Gene Rodenberry? (The answer is "NO" - but I do look a lot like Patrick Stewart with a fuller lower face.)

We are gonna get to Barsoom the regular way, in trucks designed for the purpose. We gotta fly a ways first, of course, then travel to the departure point for the base camp. We pack some ATVs, and lots of gear and supplies and each of us had better be up to some solid hiking. Beagle's comment that "serious heat" is useful is good - but we are going to handle that military-style.

Sidearms and other necessaries will be brought in with the supplies. Each of us will be checked out on them and if necessary a few training sessions will be arranged before issuing protection to some people.

Those of you that prefer your own may bring them, but checked through Carter - who is arms master as well as leader of this jaunt - and he is going to run through a rougher-than-usual shakedown to be sure you aren't about to draw down on one of us because the danged grass rustles. And if you bring some .70-60 cal. longarms you won't get them except on special assignment. So forget dreams of being the Great (White) (Black) (Etc.) Hunter, no elephants there and no need for splatter-guns.

Beagle, I am sure we can use you on this jaunt. What's your specialty, or do you want to be a utility player?

Oh, yeah, one other thing. Our time budget for this dig is 2 1/2 - 3 months. All happens within that time frame, portal to portal.

For you advanced string theorists out there, it means our flight takes place when the captain thinks about where we are going.

Aside from being a good shot with a pistol, my skills are purely medical. Does that mean I can't have the flamethrower?

First, Carter will probably make you No. 2 on the team if you geniunely are a good shot with a pistol. Put you back about halfway into the line of us hiking along.

Medical skills also put you in a similar spot. Close to almost any disaster, and you know how the rough country jobs are - someone is always getting bitten by a poisonous spider (or so they say), forgetting to drink water and passing out, etc.

Now about the flamethrower.

This is a new suggestion for the expedition. Can't say I have ever been on one where such a device was necessary. But I CAN see it having utility on this jaunt. (Remember, I HATE spiders and Barsoom has some very very nasty versions.)

Problem is, most times you might crisp the potential victim as well as the attackers.

We gotta think about this carefully. May be a tool in the arsenal, but one employed with care ... now you being medical and all that, i guess you, yeah, you would know where to spray that igeited gel to wreak the worst havoc.

You are sick, aren't you? In the head, I mean.

Do you give lots of meds and injections to really hopeless patients? Should we be watching the headlines for when you get caught?

Well, I'm retired. One year now. So - I get to carry the flamethrower and that native bearer that looked a lot like Raquel Welch can carry the medical supplies. If I'm your only medical person on the expedition, she will have to stay veerry close to me. I'm ready to light 'em up.

BTW, what did you call the liquid propellent? The last I heard it was Napalm.

You carry the flamethrower.....I'll carry Raquel!

Oh yeah? Can you teach her CPR? BTW, just about evryone on this trip will need to know that.

I'm beginning to wonder why I'm signing on to an expedition that calls for heavy duty weapons, medical support and we even have to bring our own booze!

I already know CPR and I guarantee I can outshoot anyone here, especially with a rifle, probably with a pistol. Never shot a flamethrower. I ain't worried about the byob thing, because I don't drink. I might fire one up on occasion if possible.

That's good to know Frank. I'm stickin' with you. In fact, I'll probably be the one needing CPR.


Der Lange, when a dig is organized & outfitted, people have an idea of what they might find, or hope to. So when we're figuring out what to take it seems that we need to know what we're looking for. Any help?

Beagle wrote:Der Lange, when a dig is organized & outfitted, people have an idea of what they might find, or hope to. So when we're figuring out what to take it seems that we need to know what we're looking for. Any help?

Yep, that's why I'm puttin' together the Project Plan. Pullin' together the info about the soil, terrain, what's known of the sites, stuff like that, settin' up more detailed treatments according to the list of objectives published here earlier.

I can tell we are going to need some flame-proof environment suits, too, and maybe Kevlar vests. You and Frank are scary.

Oh, and as for bringing our own booze ... I have yet to go on an expedition where not only was my trusty flask an essential personal item, but in any event we had beer by the case along.

Usually Canadian; this American horse-water just doesn't do it when you are dry, dusty, thirsty and too far away from anywhere to bother being horny.

Frank and Mini, this is NOT the time to tell that old campfire joke about the camel!

Der Lange wrote:
Frank and Mini, this is NOT the time to tell that old campfire joke about the camel!

Which one? I know several camel jokes.

The only ones I know could NEVER be told on this board!